That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
