I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
