If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize