Whod you bang
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
