You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
