I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
