It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
