Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
