i barfeds in our rink
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
