Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
