I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
please don't ironically join a cult
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