so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
