Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
