where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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