we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
