He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize