Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

(217): View more from Illinois

Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks

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(517): View more from Michigan

winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.

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(207): View more from Maine

Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car

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(716): View more from New York

I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out

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(773): View more from Illinois

I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".

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(916): View more from California

Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking

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