The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
