I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
