Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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