so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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