im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
