We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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