how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
