Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
