is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
