Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
