I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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