Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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