she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
