i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
