im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
