yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I only lived at night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
