I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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