that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
