you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
pray to the hookup gods
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
