I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize