Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
