I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
