I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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