I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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