Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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