I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
