she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
