if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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