The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
