So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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