I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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