Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
