last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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