Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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