Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize