so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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