Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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