just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We had to coat check the pizza.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
