Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
