Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize