your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
