he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
