oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize