NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
