Soap is not a condiment
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize