I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
