I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
