she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
