If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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