it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize