He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
