i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
