Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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