Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize