i would punch a child for taco bell
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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